When too much is more than enough

Tomorrow we leave for France to visit my in-laws.  Normally I am excited at the prospect I absolutely adore France, especially Paris.  But this time we are bypassing Paris completely and heading to Brittany, the region where Peter grew up.  So in addition to the 7 hour plane ride, we have another hour on a commuter plane and a two hour drive from Nantes.  And while the prospect of visiting France never tops Peter's to do list, the excess travel would not normally freak me out.

Instead I am stressed out and anxious.  What happens if Peanut freaks out on the plane?  Do I have enough snacks and diapers?  Did I forget to pack anything?

And why are my knees red?

Yes, you heard me correctly.  For some reason my knees are red, which must have something to do with the hour I spent in my garden tonight furiously planting 100 renegade vinca seedlings.  And by renegade I mean Peter isn't technically aware that I purchased them over a week ago online.  Just my luck, they arrive the night before we fly out, so in order to avoid an argument I knew I had to get them into the ground before Peter got home from work.  In a mad dash I got Peanut bathed and fed, and in bed on time...then suited up and headed to the garden to set to work.

I discovered pretty quickly that 100 seedlings is a lot.  There I was fighting the setting sun, covered head to toe - gloves, pants, and long sleeves - and beating off mosquitos and other carniverous bugs with a stick.  And of course, it was still about 75 degrees outside.  All the while I am rushing to get them all in as quickly as possible.  What a fun cap off to a really aggravating day.

And even so I thought I had succeeded.  The garden was planted and watered, and I had showered well before Peter got home.  All was well until he asked me what was wrong with my knees - and that is when I discovered that my knees look like tomatoes.  No itching or swelling - just redness.  I hope I didn't do anything serious...leave it to me to get sick the night before our vacation.  Just my dumb luck!

I'll try to post some of my adventures in France - otherwise see you all soon!

How important is gender?

TODAYMoms - He, she or it? Family keeps baby's gender a secret

Just caught wind of this segment that was on the Today Show this morning. I am not one to comment (in public) about other people's parenting choices, but like the "Tiger Mom" this story is raising eyebrows. We all know that society places great stock in gender - and humans tend to feel more comfortable with things that are clear. We also know that, at least in business, women still trail behind men in salary and seats in the C-suite. But is keeping gender a secret really the right choice - or even possible (especially as a child ages, begins to develop friendships, and explore their bodies)?

What do you think?

So Which One of You is the Father? Stupid sh*t people say

Some people just don't get it.  You can tell them in so many words, but no matter what you do or say, the math doesn't make sense to them and they look at you like you're from outer space.  Or from Canada.

We get that a lot with Peanut.  It is pretty clear that we aren't related by blood - besides the two dads thing, Peanut is African American and we are Caucasian.  As a result, our little family unit seems to confuse people (even with Modern Family being one of the top comedies on TV right now), so we have heard and seen a lot of odd things over the last nineteen months.

Just a sampling of some of the strange sh*t people say (and this is what they say to our face - imagine what they say behind our back):

-Which one of you is the father?

-Your wife must be so proud! (said by someone who was looking at a picture of the three of us standing together)

-Is she yours? (gotten this one multiple times - even the grocery store clerk has asked us this question)

-She looks just like you!  (Uh - really?)

-Where is the mother?  Are you the mother?  (Said to me by a postal worker when we went to go apply for Peanut's passport - I nearly hauled out the boys to show the postal worker who her daddy was!)

-Where is she from?  (Said with a raised inflection that seemed to indicate that they believe Peanut is from the backwaters of Timbuktu - followed by a disappointed "Oh" when they learn she is from the east coast)

-I wish I had had two daddies (I think this was meant to be a compliment)

It's not just what people say - sometimes it's also what they do.  For example, we received a lot of beautiful gifts when Peanut was born, but two particular gifts left us scratching our heads:

-A board book entitled, "Where is my mommy" that has the reader looking for baby's mommy under the table and behind the curtain...why would you give this to a child with two dads?  Sorta cruel, no?

-A jumper with the words "Mommy's girl" embroidered on the chest.

I don't mean to sound ungrateful - but these are the kind of gifts you really shouldn't bother giving.  I mean, even as an ironic gift it's kind of ridiculous.

Most of the time I let things like this go in one ear and out the other (like the time I received the daily note home from day care, and it said "I had a great time at the mother's day breakfast with my mom."  HUH?); and of course, in retrospect some of these are rather funny.  But it also serves as a reminder that no matter how far we have come in terms of embracing diversity, we still have a long way to go.

Getting paid to garden? Sign me up! Sign me up!

I don't do a lot of container gardening at home because:

a) Nice containers tend to be expensive, and...
b) I am well over my allotted gardening budget for the year and I don't think I could get Peter to shell out even more cash on my new favorite hobby (he is already calling me obsessed).

So when I discovered that there were some pots that needed to be replanted at work, I jumped at the chance (nonprofit, no union, yay me).  Besides what is better than gardening on someone else's dime (even if it's a dime you really need to stretch, budget cuts and all).  Keep in mind, I am a manager in a nonprofit, so this doesn't technically fall under my job description - let's just say I am community minded (and motivated by my own selfish needs...)

I contacted my friends at Hands2Mouth - a super cool community garden initiative in Rockland County - and they recommended I head over to D'Ercole in Norwood, New Jersey.  I never turn down a chance to pick through a garden center, so I headed over there this morning.  D'Ercole has a really nice assortment of plants at great prices - and the staff are very friendly!

Two hours, five pots and $80 later, and the patio looked as good as new (okay, not exactly HGTV'd, but good for a novice gardener like me).

Check out some shots of the finished products:

Not crazy about the color combo here - in my mind the yellows looked better than they do in reality.

Used sage and lavender here - I heart lavender!

Broke up some stonecrop as an accent plant - hope I didn't kill it!

Because of the location of the pots, I was able to choose plants that thrive in full sun, which was a nice change from the shady ditch our house sits in.  Now I am just praying for rain because I didn't have time to water them.  My luck, this will be the one day this week it doesn't rain!

Circumcision - the first cut is the deepest

Circumcision, the cut that divides - On Parenting - The Washington Post

This is the type of vote that my non-voting, French husband can support: a ballot measure in San Francisco that would prohibit circumcision for males under the age of 18. I can almost see him now, packing our bags for a permanent move to the west coast.

Circumcision is one of those things that really cuts people up - pun completely intended. According to the non-scientific, statistically insignificant poll at the end of the article, more than 75% of respondents are against banning circumcision, putting Peter in the minority (a minority made up of 151 people at last count...don't tell him that).

Peter is categorically against circumcision on the grounds that it is a barbaric act, which I totally understand. I don't remember my own circumcision (thank god) but I have attended an odd bris or two and I make certain to stay far away from the ceremonial scissors. The site of a newborn penis parting with its' foreskin is enough to make me duck and cover, hands protectively guarding my own crotch.

With Peanut, the topic never came up (being a girl) and it was one less thing we had to negotiate in the first few weeks of being parents for the first time. But what happens if our next child is a boy - will I succumb to Jewish guilt and centuries of religious custom...or will I cave to my husband's demands that we leave the little man's cap firmly in place?

For my part I am hoping for a girl. More sugar and spice, less slice and dice.

So now puberty can be precocious too?

Precocious puberty strikes more 7-year-old girls - Health - Kids and parenting - msnbc.com

Haven't thought about puberty in girls since...ever...but being the father of a little girl (one far away from puberty, thankfully) this caught my eye. Potential link between early onset puberty and obesity...fascinating!

He was no dragon. Fire can not kill a dragon.

If you are a fan of George R. R. Martin and haven't yet watched the adaptation of the "Game of Thrones" series, you are really missing out on a singular treat.  Don't want to give anything away, but tonight's episode might be the best so far.  Emilia Clarke as Daenerys Targaryen is simply hitting it out of the park - her performance stands out in a cast of really incredible actors (the line above concluded tonight's episode - delivered with cool precision).  If you like high fantasy that is heavy on intruige (and the occasional naked body - male and female) definitely check this one out!

This is just wrong!

Unreality - The 20 Most Terrifying Pictures of Ronald McDonald Ever |

Stumbled on this while searching for pictures of babies on google images (Peanut loves pics of babies - she is convinced the computer is actually a baby picture album). These pics are terrifying - you have to check them out.

Parenting is great...but...

Being a mom - what do I miss most?

Interesting article on Nickelodeon's Parent Connect site.  A few things I would add (had they asked):

-Sleep.  Sleep.  More sleep.

-Not getting sick all the damn time.

-Clothes that aren't stained with milk, saliva, food, mud, and poop.

-Reading the NY Times on Sundays (miss my Sunday Style section /cry)

-Being on time...to anything.

-Going to the movies.

-Did I say sleep?

And yet - still wouldn't trade it for anything...except maybe sleep.

Say What? The "Don't Say Gay" bill

Tennessee Senate Approves Ban On Discussing Homosexuality

Another reason to stay north of the Mason Dixon line.

Martha, can you hear me?

Normally I am banned from Home Goods.  Peter won't even stop the car within five miles of the store.   Ever since I brought home these two oversize hurricane lamps from Pier One, I am not allowed to be left alone in a store that sells, well, home goods.

But like Peanut, I like to flex my independence, so about two months ago I snuck into the Home Goods in Elmsford after a visit to our hairdresser.  I love the smell of stuff on sale, and my wallet was burning a hole in my pocket.  I skipped the bed and bath supplies, and strolled quickly through the furniture and art, heading towards my true destination: kitchenware.  Like any good discount shopper, I sifted through the piles of bakeware, pots, and pans, looking for a bargain that I couldn't pass up.  Shelved among the cast off cookbooks, were a few copies of Martha Stewart's Cookies Cookbook.

You made me love you...I didn't want to do it.

Living in the suburbs has turned me into quite the Suzy Homemaker.  Not only do I enjoy gardening (as you now know) but I adore cooking.  Ina, Giada and Paula share a special place on my bookshelf.  And while I hadn't done a lot of baking up to this point, I knew I had to have this book (and the 50% markdown wasn't bad either).

So ever since, I've been cooking my way through the book, testing out the different recipes.  It's my own version of Julie & Julia - you hear that, Martha...you're my inspiration.  We have had milk chocolate cookies, apricot windows, chewy molasses crinkles, gingersnap palmiers (these were a disaster), iced oatmeal applesauce cookies, lime meltaways, and our all time household favorite, chocolate crinkles (highly recommend these...A-MAH-ZING).  Tonight's recipe: snickerdoodles!

What exactly is a snickerdoodle anyway?

They came out pretty good (must be the pound of butter) - although the flavor is more subtle than the milk chocolate cookies I made last weekend.  They are also fairly large...Peter decided to call them hamburger cookies.  As usual, we each eat one or two and the rest get delivered to my office and Peanut's daycare on Monday.  The best part of cooking, truly, is sharing what you've made. 

Incidentally, my mother hates Martha Stewart (well, perhaps hate is a bit strong...she dislikes Martha intensely).  Ever since that whole insider trading fiasco Martha is a crook in her book.  I look at her time in jail both as a minor setback and as community service - she served her time and made the jailhouse look fabulous!  I mentioned to her that I had bought the book and she clucked her tongue at me shamefully.

Well I guess she won't be having any of my cookies!

Big headbands should be illegal

I love to do Peanut's hair.  She doesn't much like it, but it's great fun for me to moisturize and style her hair, add bows and beads, and even the occasional headband.

Big headbands, however, are really beyond the pale.

Was just at lunch with a colleague, doing a little baby gawking, and two booths over there was a little girl, not more than six months old, with a headband that was nearly twice the size of my  head.

What is up with that?

Are you looking at me...or my headband?

Don't get me wrong - I like tulle and spangles and sparkling things (for Peanut...and for me ;) - but the big headband just drives me crazy.  At this age they can barely hold up their own head...so who was the wise guy that thought it was a good idea to add a big bulky headband?

Save me!

And this - this one is akin to child abuse:

This headband is eating my head!

It's the new Baby Einstein debate

Parent Debate: Can iPads and Smartphones Really Teach Toddlers to Read? - ABC News

Stumbled on this article on Twitter this morning.

Peter and I don't allow Peanut to watch television - you won't believe what kind of crazy looks we get from other parents when we tell them that our 19 month old doesn't watch TV (seriously, you would think we were saying that she sleeps in a box and eats all her vegetables). It hasn't been easy, but as a child who spends five full days at day care each week, we feel that the little time we have together is especially sacred...even when she is in a foul mood (okay, maybe not then).

I love this quote from the article:

"Parents are always looking for that edge to make their child the smartest but I think the most important thing you can do as a parent is interact with your child. You don't need an iPad or a fancy tablet to make your child learn."

Gardening is the new crack!

For me, one of the great pleasures of suburban living is gardening.  Living in a condo complex, we aren't allotted that much space to garden.  I am lucky that I live in community where you are permitted to "tastefully" tinker with the plants at both the front and back of your unit.  And since we live at the end of the complex, we are more or less granted carte blanche - an invitation to explore the exciting world of horticulture!

But even after two years I am a true novice gardener with the greenest of green thumbs.  I rarely plan ahead, and a trip to the nursery for me is like Supermarket Sweep - grabbing things off the shelves left and right.  I am just glad Peter hasn't asked to see my credit bill this month...gardening is not an inexpensive habit!

I recently discovered (thanks to my garden expert of a neighbor) an excellent nursery in Hawthorne called Rosedale - it is incredibly well stocked and they have an abundance of really beautiful plants.  Peanut and I ventured there for the first time about a month ago, and in the span of about 10 minutes I picked up 2 mountain laurels, a gorgeous azalea with bright red blossoms, a korean azalea with purple blooms, a climbing hydrangea, and 2 types of euonymus.  And besides some wrangling with Peanut (she wanted to pull the little red cart piled with plants - but couldn't get it to move), it was an incredible afternoon.

On a second trip, this time with Peter in tow to ensure I kept to a very strict budget, I scored lavender, vinca, and an assortment of annuals: purple salvia, celosia in pink and red and some lovely orange and yellow marigolds.  At the checkout, the clerks all recognized Peanut (I mean, it was our second...or third...visit), and Peter started to realize we might have a problem.  Once we got home I set to put everything in the ground.  I didn't really have a plan, and had to work around several hydrangeas we planted last season, a hosta, some catmint, and a forest of asiatic lilies that are just exploding all over.

So last weekend, I was a bit sad that besides weeding and mulching there really wasn't anything "exciting" to do in the front garden.  So when I ran out of mulch, I quietly grabbed my keys (and Peanut) and slipped off to the garden center near my house.  While it isn't Rosedale, it has a small selection of really beautiful plants - and before I knew it my cart was piled high with astilbe, buddleia, day lily, and these cute fragrant annuals with tiny petals.  Thankfully Peter didn't give me too much trouble (he just sort of shook his head and murmured something unintelligible under his breath). 

Of course, he hasn't see the flat of vinca atropurpurea I ordered online Monday morning...seriously, I need help!

Seriously New York! Get with the program.

RI House endorses civil unions for gay couples - Sacramento News - Local and Breaking Sacramento News | Sacramento Bee

First it was Iowa...and now Rhode Island? Rhode fricking Island? For a state that is supposed to be so liberal and a bastion of gay culture, we really are sucking wind here.

Somehow I think guys would still choose sex

Viagra Could Make You Deaf Doctors Say

On butt wipes, bugaboos, and other bourgeois bamboozlers

In my pre-parental days, I scoffed with great abandon at the whole baby gadget industry, aimed at making a fast buck off of tired, overwhelmed parents.  Buy Buy Baby, Toys r' Us, and Parent Magazine were all in cahoots with toy, stroller, and food manufacturers to deepen their coffers and take advantage of poor Mort and Milly Homemaker. Parents weren't let off of the hook entirely, either.  In fact, I believed that parents were equal partners in the whole con, eager themselves for fast, trendy, and/or easy solutions to domestic life.  I mean, butt wipe warmers...really?  And have you seen the price tag on a bugaboo?  I may be gay, but I refuse to shell out my money on that bourgeois baby status symbol.

The joys (and perils) of parenthood have given me a great deal of perspective, and while I am still categorically against butt wipe warmers (yes, Peanut was subject to a wet, cold backside after diaper changes...signal the gasp of disbelief) I am no longer averse to availing myself of some of the benefits of modern parenting.

For us, this took the form of a sleep specialist (no, there is no bugaboo in my future).  Peanut has been waking almost nightly at 3am since January.  As a child who was sleep trained from around 3 months, and who has no problem putting herself to sleep at bed time, we were at a loss as to what to do. I was occasionally offered the platitude, "It's just a phase - she'll grow out of it", which is at best annoying and at worst condescending and smug.  Then a friend suggested we consider contacting a sleep specialist - which I almost dismissed immediately.  On second thought, however, we both decided it had gotten to the point that we needed help (if you have seen me hissing out "sssh" at 3am, then you have a really clear idea as to why help was needed).

We were lucky to get a referral from an old friend and coworker (via Facebook, an invaluable networking tool for the modern multitasker), and I wrote a very dramatic cry of help letter, that most definitely included the words "we are at the end of our rope".  The kind of letter they read on "Dear Genevieve" or "Extreme Makeover: Home Edition" before the big reveal.  The specialist replied promptly, requesting additional information about Peanut's sleep habits and schedule, and we set a time for our first phone consultation the next day.

As luck (or cruel fate) would have it, that night Peanut decided to remind me exactly why we needed a specialist by throwing a party in her crib from 12:30-2:30am.  She also did a bit of "crib redecorating" as Hubby calls it - which is essentially transferring everything that is currently in her crib  (blanket, pillow, and stuffed animals) to the floor.  Great fun.

So imagine my surprise when the sleep specialist said that upon reviewing our information, she believes Peanut is actually a great sleeper, and that there are kids (and parents) much worse off than she is.  After a somewhat enjoyable moment of parental schadenfreude, we had a really great conversation about Peanut's night waking and came up with some tools to address it.  Best of all, she listened and didn't give us the party line "it's just a phase", which frankly was beginning to drive me up a wall.  I think we all walked away feeling hopeful - at least I did.

That feeling lasted approximately 5 hours - and shattered into a million tiny fragments when Peanut decided to wake up for tonight's party at 9:45pm.  This is going to be a long night.

I may not be a chef (or a mother) but it's like she read my mind!

Chicken Nuggets and French Fries: Confessions of a Mother and a Chef | NonaBrooklyn

So nice knowing I'm not the only parent with a child on a beige diet.

From the bad parent files - mom injects her 8 year old with Botox to compete in beauty pageant

Kerry Campbell, mom who injected 8-year-old daughter with Botox, loses custody, report says - Crimesider - CBS News

Who are these people?  Wasn't Jon Benet enough of a cautionary tale?

Another NY Senator comes out against marriage equality

Gay Marriage Watch » Blog Archive » NY: Senator Grisanti (R) Will Vote Against Marriage Equality

This is depressing - kind of like watching a train wreck in process. I liked that Bloomberg cautioned anti-marriage equality Republicans that they would be on the wrong side of history if they voted no - then offered to support their reelection if they vote yes. If only I had a lot of free cash and time to lobby Albany.

Sigh.

The Florida Casey Anthony trial makes Joan Crawford a candidate for mother of the year

A Trial Begins: Did Casey Anthony Kill Her Daughter? : NPR

I don't expect to receive any awards for worlds best dad, but apparently Casey Anthony was seen dancing in a nightclub while police searched for her missing toddler. I know we all deal with grief differently...but come on!

Parent Amnesia and the Case of the Saucy Photos

We are officially suffering from the effects of PA: Parent Amnesia.  Now that Peanut is nineteen months, we have decided to start the process all over again and try for a second child.   Apparently we have completely forgotten about the crying, round the clock feedings, and exhaustion that those first six months contain (I blame the chronic sleep deprivation…which apparently can also cause hair loss…who knew?).  When I mention to friends with kids that we are doing this again, they shake their heads and smirk knowingly, which should be warning enough.  If I hear one more parent tell me that having two kids isn’t double the work, but more like one-hundredth the work, I think I might have a nervous breakdown.  Literally.  But, I guess I’ve drunk the Kool-Aid because we’re doing it anyway.

In addition to a staggering mound of paperwork you need to prepare for adoption, we need to make a new adoption profile.  For the uninitiated, the profile is a short picture album with shots of you and your family experiencing the joys of domestic life: travel, hobbies, holiday celebrations – which is surprising, because those are the types of things that families usually screw up, causing lots of stress and years of therapy (I still have nightmares about that one Thanksgiving).  The profile is essentially a savvy piece of marketing that is aimed at getting prospective birthparents to pick you.  The production quality of these things really runs the gamut, and we have been blown away by some of the ones we found while scouring the internet (see, not just for porn).  We saw one profile that looked as if it had been ripped from the pages of People Magazine.  I mean, seriously…People Magazine?  How can we compete with that?

Design aside, I shudder with the painful memories of our first attempt at making an adoption profile (which can cause relationship stress, by the way, an auspicious omen for parents-to-be).  Never in a million years did I think I would be aggressively lobbying to move a page header three quarters of one inch towards the left margin.  Seriously…I need new hobbies.

But life has changed a lot since our first go round (i.e. a certain nineteen month old ankle biter) and we just don’t have the same amount of time to hunker down in front of a monitor and fight over which photo from our trip to visit the in-laws is the perfect one.  So I offered to take a crack at selecting pictures to get the ball rolling. 

Thus I found myself installed in front of the basement computer late last night clicking through file after file of old photographs, stored deep in the recesses of our shared network drive (which I guess lives on my hubby’s computer…unclear on that at the moment).  It was like a journey back in time!  I switched on iTunes with a particularly melancholy playlist (Journey + Chicago = tears of reminiscence) and was enjoying an evening of pleasant memories…until I discovered photos of my husband in various stages of undress.  More undressed than various.  It only took me a minute to realize he had saved all of his old pictures from every digital camera he ever had on the hard drive of his computer.  Beyond the deliciously saucy photos (mmm, saucy), I got glimpses of his life before he met me (and well before Peanut made three).  Photos of friends and guys he dated: his New York life.  I had a New York life, too, although fortunately or unfortunately it isn’t preserved on my hard drive (some of it I would NOT want to relive, OY).  It’s odd – we’ve been together almost seven years and I barely remember what my life was like before I met him.  Still, I enjoyed this opportunity to get a glimpse into a younger (and more “active”) hubby.

And the naked pictures were pretty amazing, too.